i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
Houston, we have a blender
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
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