the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
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