Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
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