i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
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