I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
Randomize
