You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
Randomize
