I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
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