i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
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