i think i scared a bird with my dick
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
I feel like death gave me a hand job
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
Randomize
