Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
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