At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
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