how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
Randomize
