i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
Randomize
