yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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