he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
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