That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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