so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
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