____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
Randomize
