We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
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