I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
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