Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
Randomize
