halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
Randomize
