his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
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