Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
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