margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
he called me a worthless slut and then went 2 the bathroom 2 pee on the floor before leavin. but he was really hot and he left his jacket, should i call him?
Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
Randomize
