Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
the night ended with taco bell and tears
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
Randomize
