Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
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