I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
Randomize
