someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
