John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
I hope my theory books are in my locker, but if not, I guess I can always share with you.
Who said I want to share with you?
You've sucked my dick, I'm pretty sure you don't care if I look at your theory book.
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Randomize
