Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
I think a kid would responsible me up
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
Randomize
