Your face is a jimmy john
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
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