your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
Randomize
