hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
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