drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
Randomize
