and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
Randomize
