remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
Im just a social blackout drinker.
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
Randomize
