I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
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