my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
Randomize
