I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
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