apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
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