I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
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