Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
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