pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
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