I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
I feel like death gave me a hand job
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
Randomize
