when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
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