sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
Randomize
