pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
Randomize
