It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
Randomize
