you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
Randomize
