Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
Randomize
