Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
Does leaving at 3 give Sara enough time to take the bus or are you picking her up?
I cant tell if your joking or not, but I'm picking her up
Do you need some kind of permission slip from her parents or can anyone just go and grab a high schooler these days?
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
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