it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
porn star boner night. come get it.
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
Randomize
