do you think it i'm gay because i was in a 3 way lastnight?
well not if you dont touch the other dude and concentrate on the chic
what chic?
what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
Randomize
