Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize
