It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
Randomize
