WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
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But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
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I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
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