For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
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