if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
Randomize
