kristin has been a bad kristin
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
Randomize
