Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
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