Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
