The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
Randomize
