Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
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