plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
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