its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
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