Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
Randomize
