Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Randomize
