woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
don't judge my taste in strippers
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
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